LOCUTUS 1993-2008
Feel free to share your memories of Locutus. Because you've never met him, you are encouraged to fabricate them.
Like the time he stole that twin engine Cessna because he wanted to get into the business of running coke from South America to the Keys.
Like the time he stole that twin engine Cessna because he wanted to get into the business of running coke from South America to the Keys.
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I remember the time he and I were paired together by the police commissioner, even though I was by the book and he was a rebel who played by his own rules. We took down that South African bastard who thought he had diplomatic immunity, though, and even though I was too old for this shit, he was a good partner.
Sorry to hear about Locutus. I know how you must feel.
I remember this one time, we were in a bar somewhere in New York. It was my first time in the city and he said he'd give me a time I'd never forget.
Six hours later and I'm running half naked (bottom half, not top half!) down some alley holding a bottle of Jack Daniels that contained a microfilm with all of JFK's secrets on it. Behind me are six armed Secret Service guys yelling stop and Locutus swings a gold Caddy down then end of the alley and yells for me to get in. Screeching backwards in a storm of bullets and tiresmoke, he turns that grin to me a says "Didn't I promise?"
Bastard.
Gonna miss him.
Condolences.
I remember the time when we worked together at the agency on Operation Gilded Cage. We spent a night together in the Tenderloin, waiting for headquarters to call and tell us to "execute plan." He could play a mean hand of Texas Hold'em and smoked all of my Cubans. But when it was time to arrest the Korean pimps, he rounded them up twice as fast as I did. (Probably because he stuck to tuna and passed on the donuts.)
I'm sorry Locutus is gone. I'm sure it sucks. I mean, how many people had a cat in the FBI?
LOCUTUS
Pimpin it big-style in Tuna Heaven.
Sorry!
Oh man, none of that is as good as when me and L snuck into the San Francisco zoo and antagonized the tigers. Dude, L jumped down into the pit, gave that Bengal a swift kick in the jewels, and was out of there before anyone was the wiser. That tiger was ticked! We laughed and laughed. Wonder how that tiger is doing...
Oh, man.
I'd love to leave some stories, but every memory I have of that cat reminds me of something I'd really rather not admit to.
Especially that thing with the jumpsuit and the strawberries.
That cat was messed up.
we met randomly and briefly on Thundera through our mutual friend Jaga..then later and more officially on Third Earth where we became fast friends. During our friendship we shared many wonderful adventures including touring the spice mines of Arrakis, the third planet of Canopus.
His water now mingles with my water..his memory forever swims in my heart.
Dude --
You remember the time we were playing softball, and L decides to burn one in to you?
Nailed you right in the sack.
Nailed.
You sat out the rest of the game out with a cold beer on your boys. I have never seen so many tears in my life.
Good times.
I'll never forget the day L and I were going to see Episode III. We knew it was probably going to suck, so we both smoked like three bowls before the movie.
When it came time to drive to the theater, we got in my car and L was like, "You sure you're okay to drive?" Naturally I scoffed and said I was ... then pulled over a hundred yards down the street when I realized that I didn't know where I was going.
We had to wait a few hours before we could drive to the next showing. Fortunately we were sober enough by then to drive -- unfortunately we were sober enough to realize how bad the movie was.
Locutus' Life Lesson #6 was born that day: Don't smoke up until you reach the theater (if you're driving).
I'll miss you, L.
Unlike many of the more outrageous adventures Locutus and others have had (gold caddy down the one way alley and a Texas Hold-Em superstar.. even I was caught unawares), I am compelled to draw forth memories from a gentler time..
Such as the evening we went strolling down Ventura Boulevard.. sky watching was a favorite "down time" activity of his (amazing, with the lights and activity and all), and we enjoyed theorizing about his holdings on Blargon 7...
Or the evening he regaled me with tales of his sailing trip that took a near-disastrous turn into piracy when four rogue ships surrounded us and demanded his fresh stock of Norwegian herring and English crumpets..
But the best memories I have of Locutus include the day I brought him to you, Michael, the day we saved his life from evil oil dripping machinery and a lost address, the years we added to his life with a quick trip to the vet to determine his wellness...
The late night prancing onto the balcony, his avid interest in tooth brushing and his attentiveness to the lessons you imparted...
His vacationing spot in the arms of the Christmas tree, his boredom with all things not capable of turning a tidy profit on the black market, and of course, his dealings with Western European holding companies..
I miss you, little black and white buddy. I love you, and I will remember you always,
-Mommy
Somebody else misses him, too.
http://fencingwiththefog.blogspot.com/2008/01/caught-in-act.html
I'm a little embarrassed, but it must be said: Locutus gave a great paw job.
(Yeah, I went there.)
The mighty L introduced me to internet porn.
Damn pussy.
Oh, I almost forgot --
There was that time that L and I were drunk at the strip bar and he was doing that line of coke off that tranny hooker's ass...
I looked over at him and said, "Dude, there is no way you're driving."
That night we came up with the rule:
If you're doing coke off a tranny hooker's ass, you are no longer the designated driver.
Good times.
...or like that time Locutus lead me to the coolest website that picked me up as a writer, the day after my dickhead manager said he wasn't my manager. So I was at the Fencing the Fog website to remember everyone else is getting the smackdown as writers and that lead me from MaryAnn's frisky cat to Locutus. And then somehow, as if by projection, Locutus whispered, "Why don't you check out the rest of the site...come on, everyone's doing it."
So I found the Writer's Blacklist 2007 with the cool print cover by Kennedy Prints. "Wow, I have got to get that for my wall!" So I found the website and I also found -- a documentary on the guy that made that cover! And it is beyond cool, old school is new school look. And I want to be a part of that and promote this cool eclectic piece of film I never knew about until Locutus lead me there.
I swear it's a true story...just happened today. Actually felt like maybe I could still be a writer and everyone else is getting the some type of frat school hazing that none of us understands.
I never knew ye Locutus. But you, you have made all the difference.
There was that time I'd been taken hostage by the terrorists he'd pissed off, and they had a pair of cold steel pliers round one of my balls, and then one of 'em looked at his watch and said "Time's up buddy, no-one's gonna save you now," and he gave the nod to his mate and I was crying and pleading and I would have done anything to get out of there.
And then the Caddy came smashing through the wall and the look of surprise on that fucker as he was flattened up against the bricks was like a hallelujah sunrise.
Then Locutus got out and shot my would-be torturer in the head with his Glock and told me to save it for tonight.
He cut the ropes with his balisong, dropped a hundred in my lap, jumped right out the window and damned if he didn't kill them all - and stop the bomb too - within two hours. Sure, he was black and blue before he made it back to the bar, but he and I still spent the night living it up good as ever.
I'll miss him.
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